Being a parent is a hard job – especially when you are doing it alone. It is so important that goodness and mercy have a place in your life. Psalms 23 tells us that, “surely your goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life (v. 6, NIV). God sees you and me in our struggles and offers the relief of sweet goodness and mercy. Goodness to cheer you in the battle and mercy to break the ties of shame so you can take flight and soar over the battlefield. These gifts are following after you – turn around, open your heart and receive them.
Goodness can take many forms in your life – a good friend that uplifts you, good books, good music or the laughter of your rowdy children. Recognize it when it comes and relish it. Guard against allowing worries to push out the celebrations for the good things in your life.
We read in Lamentations 3:22-23 (NLT), “The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning”. Every morning you wake up, there is God, waiting to be merciful to you. Since God has been merciful to you, you can be merciful to yourself. You are pushing hard with a double load, don’t work against yourself by denying yourself that sweet, loving mercy.
Goodness
In Michal 6:8 (NIV), we read, “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and love mercy and to walk humbly with your God”. Sweet daughter, if you have lost sight of goodness in your life, the Lord has promised to direct you down paths to find goodness. Goodness is not expensive or rare or set aside for the few. As a Christian, the experience of goodness is part of your daily walk. Our God has promised that He is working all things for our good (Romans 8:28). Each day, even the rough days, you are on a road leading you to the goodness of God.
Now, goodness is not undisciplined. I was never drawn to drink or drugs, but I know the joys of ice cream or cleaning up a box of left over pizza after the kids go to bed. If you allow yourself to seek good feelings by feeding unhealthy appetites, you will just make your overall situation worse. I have battled my weight all my life and the misery of the body image issues and too tight clothes brought on by “eating my feelings” was not helpful. The same can be said for shopping or watching endless hours of TV. While God is providing a road that leads to goodness, these false paths will only deepen your shame and lead to defeat.
Mercy
Sometimes the circumstances that lead us into the life of a single parent can bring guilt and regret. I was an unwed mother. There was a lot of guilt for my actions and regret for having loved someone who did not love me enough to marry me. You may be divorced and facing condemnation for not sticking with your marital partner. Whatever the circumstances, show yourself some mercy for any past mistakes or lapse of judgement. If you have asked Him, God has forgiven you and separated you from your sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).
I love Isaiah 43:18 (NIV) where we are told to, “Forget the former things, do not dwell in the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?” God does not want us to languish in remorse. Instead, He wants us to repent, shake the guilt off and move on.
One more thing about mercy. It is defined as undeserved compassion and forgiveness. That means you cannot earn it. Please do not fall for the devil’s lie that you have fallen past the point of mercy. Think for a moment about your best friend and put them in your situation. Would you make ugly, degrading comments to them? Would you withhold forgiveness, love or support? Of course not! If you would not treat a friend like that, why do you treat yourself that way with negative self-talk and denial of your basic emotional needs. If you would not treat a friend like that, how can you believe that a loving God would treat you that way. Dive into the river of God’s mercy and fully submerge yourself.
Seek Goodness and Mercy
Start each morning thanking God for His goodness and mercy toward you and your children. As a forgiven saint of God, you stand before Him in unstained innocence: (Ephesians 1:4 TPT). Condemnation and shame come from the devil. Accept that in your inmost being and do not allow the devil to shout it down. So much of the fruit of your life grows out of the roots of how you see yourself.
As far as goodness, the Bible says “your Father in heaven will give good gifts to those who ask him” (Matthew 7:11 NIV). Ask the Lord to bring you good friends, laughter and fun ways to make memories with your children. Ask for it and open your heart to accept it. Jump at invitations from others. Don’t let being the only single parent at the outing or being short on money stand in the way.
And finally, open your heart to mercy. God longs to show you mercy. Your faith to accept it is the only thing standing in the way. I have used several verses on mercy on this post. Memorize them and quote them when condemnation and shame rear their ugly heads.